"As much as others may need to change, or we may want them to change, the only person we can continually inspire, prod, and shape—with any degree of success—is the person in the mirror."

AMPP stands for:

Ask.  Ask the other person what’s really going on.

Mirror.  Describe how the other person looks or acts (e.g. you seem upset, you seem angry at me).

Paraphrase. Paraphrase what you’ve heard using your own words.

Prime. Take your best guess at what the other person might be thinking.

Ask to Get Things Rolling

✦ “The easiest and most straightforward way to encourage others to share their Path to Action is simply to invite them to express themselves.

✦ When we show genuine interest, people feel less compelled to use silence or violence.”

Mirror to Confirm Feelings

✦ “We hold a mirror up to the other person – describing how they look or act. Although we may not understand other’s stories or facts, we can see their actions and get clues about their feelings.”

Paraphrase to Acknowledge the Story

✦ “When you get a clue about why the person is feeling as he or she does, you can build additional safety by paraphrasing what you’ve heard.”

Prime When You’re Getting Nowhere

✦ “When it comes to power listening, sometimes you have to offer your best guess at what the other person is thinking or feeling.

You have to pour some meaning into the pool before the other person will do the same.”

Cheat sheet Сollection: Crucial Conversations [Infographics] feat. Joseph Grenny

This Cheat Sheet outlines some of the ways to have successful conversations while building rapport with the people you manage at work.

A discussion between two or more people where (1) stakes are high, (2) opinions vary, and (3) emotions run strong.

You have three options when having a crucial conversation:

1. You can avoid them

2. You can face them and handle them poorly.

3. You can face them and handle them well.

The mistake most of us make in our crucial conversations is we believe that we have to choose between telling the truth and keeping a friend.

How to Do It:

1. Start with heart

You can ask these questions either when you find yourself slipping out of dialogue or as reminders when you prepare to step up to a crucial conversation.

What do I really want for myself?

What do I really want for others?

What do I really want for the relationship?

How would I behave if I really wanted these results?

2. Look for safety

The first condition of safety is Mutual Purpose. (the entry condition of dialogue. Find a shared goal, and you have both a good reason and a healthy climate for talking.)

The second condition of safety is Mutual Respect. (the continuance condition of dialogue. As people perceive that others don’t respect them, the conversation immediately becomes unsafe and dialogue comes to a screeching halt.)

3. Build Mutual Purpose

Four skills used in creating Mutual Purpose form the acronym CRIB:

Commit to Seek Mutual Purpose

Recognise the purpose behind the strategy.

Invent a mutual purpose.

Brainstorm new strategies.

BONUS: How to talk about sensitive topics

Five tools can be easily remembered with the acronym STATE:

✨ Share your facts.

✨ Tell your story.

✨ Ask for others’ paths.

✨ Talk tentatively.

✨ Encourage testing.

The first three skills describe what to do. The last two tell how to do it.

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